2003-01-16 - 3:06 p.m.
prev. on Alias: Syd tells Francie she has a crush... Faye suspects Jack, Jack goes to casa de Sloane, Sloane rats Jack out to Faye.
Opens: Jack goes to a movie to make a "drop." Turns out that the pick-up dude is way dead. Jack freaks out and turns to leave when another dude puts a gun in his gut. Jack twists his arm around, shoots him with his own gun, and starts running. Dudes come out of the woodworks all around the crowded movie theater, and Jack kicks some spy ass before running out of the theater. Syd screeches up in a black car "Dad! Get in!" Jack's all "the hell?" and jumps in. Car chase, broken up by Syd being angry that Jack neglected to mention that oh, by the way, the Alliance got blackmailed out of $100mil and I'm being framed for Auntie Em's death. They finally get away by drving up into an 18-wheeler that the CIA had stashed for them on a side road, which I thought was pretty cool.
At the Ops Center, Spy-Daddy-Jack is explaining the whole dealio to Syd when her SD-6 beeper goes off. She says she's calling in sick (can spies DO that?) to help Dad, but Jack puts his foot down; he doesn't want Faye to suspect Syd, too.
At SD-6, Marshall is giving Syd the biggest bunch of pink roses ever, to thank her for saving his life. He then gives Dixon some cologne and prattles about why "Mr. Sloane" isn't wearning the tie he bought him. Sloane starts telling them about this Dude who has the gyroscope that can turn little crappy studs into high-powered target missiles, or something. Dude is transporting the gyroscope and Syd and Dix have to nab it en route. "Imagine if a weapon of this caliber landed in the hands of a United States enemy."
In the basement, Syd and her non-lover Vaughn discuss how Sloane's a complete wanker, and how he wraps his deceit "in the flag." Vaughn tells Syd he will be making a counterfeit gyroscope to give SD-6, and the CIA will get the real one.
He then says "Syd, I just want you to know that we've been doing everything in our power to help your dad." Syd's all "wha?" "you KNEW about that?" and he's all "yeh, 2 weeks" and Syd goes sassy-ballistic and starts yelling at him about how he is always keeping things from her, he didn't tell her about the Alliance hunting Dad, didn't tell her that her Mom was talking to other people now, didn't even tell her he was dating Alice again.
whoops.
V's all "what is this about?" and Syd's all "it's about me being too old to be coddled." and V's all "your life is complicated, Sydney. Forgive me for trying to make it a little easier for you." Syd draws herself up, looks his square in the eye, and says "I don't need you for that."
credits.
So, Jack gets e-mail from Sloane saying that the reason Sloane ratted him to Faye was because of that chip that the Alliance put in his neck. All his conversations are recorded. He looked at the leads Jack gave him, but they were all dead ends. Maybe Jack should do some research on Jean Brio (sp?) the French dude that Sloane murdered - perhaps someone could be vengeful.
Jack goes to hot-hot-hot ex-wife, and asks for her help brainstorming this Jean Brio thing.
Back at SD-6, Sloane is super-fly pissed because he finds out that Faye is now requesting SYDNEY's computer. Faye suspects that the Bristows are up to something "more long-term."
Back at the Ops Center, Syd and V. are looking at each other with their arms crossed. V. is explaining the counter mission (Syd will get the gyroscope, V. will make a counterfeit onsite, and get it back to Syd before she leaves the airport.) She ignores him. He says "do you have any questions?" and Syd glares at him. "I don't know. Maybe you should explain it again. It's a pretty difficult mission, perhaps you could make it EASIER for me." touchee. About that time, AGENT SEAN WALKS UP!!!!!!!!!!! Love Greg Grunberg. So, he's all "I've been gone for three months - gimme some sugar!" and Syd hugs him and says she's got to catch a plane. "See you in France..." trails Vaughn after her.
France. at airport, Dixon is dressed like a priest and is asking people for money. He's already made 47 Euros! Syd's reading a paper and wearing this kick-ass purple wig, lots of makeup, and about 10 tons of metal jewelry on her clothes and skin.
At the France Ops Center, Agent Sean is coaching Vaughn to tell Sydney how he feels. He just had a near-death experience, and carpe diem dammit (shout-out to my best friend Sandy).
At Airport, Dix spied Dude with Gyroscope and alerts Syd. Dix stops them to ask for change, and Syd gets to entry point before Dude. Flashback to Marshall giving Syd a ring that cuts clothing and will help her pickpocket the gyroscope. So, Syd of course sets off the metal detector because she's wearing all this crap. In a Brooklyn accent, she spars with the guard about how the guard at JFK made her take of her shirt. Dude is waiting and eyeing Syd (dur) and she takes like 3 trips through the metal detector (Dix is making it beep behind her) and finally, she takes off her shirt, revealing a red vinyl bra, and runs into Dude, successfully grabbing the gyroscope. Dix says "good work, Syd. See you back in LA." and Syd hops into the CIA Ops center and hands le gyroscope to Agent Sean.
Vaughn walks over and ASKS HER TO DINNER. She's all "eh? We can't do that." and he's all why not, dude - no one from SD-6 is here, plus I'm hungry. I'm STARVING. Aren't you HUNGRY? with the cutest smile any girl has ever seen. So Syd says OK and goes to change clothes, thank God. Agent Sean does a little happy-dance for Vaughn, and they decide that V. will wear an earpiece monitored by Sean just in case anything happens.
Back in LA, a boytoy tells Faye that Syd just left the Airport with a "man who is not Dixon." Faye says "find out who he is!"
OK, so, Vaughn and Sydney walk into a nice restaurant. Vaughn is speaking French to the maitre'd and who CARES what he is saying because he's so hot. They sit and look at menus and don't say anything. Ve-ery uncomfortable. Finally, Syd suggests that wine might help the situation. Vaughn practically jumps up and down at the suggestion.
Back at Ops Center LA, Spy Mommy and Spy Daddy are discussing who could be blackmailing the Alliance. Over TAKEOUT. I mean, seriously, this is practically a date. Irina asks if Alliance works out of Peru at all. Jack's all "Peru? No, why?" and she points out that Jean Brio went to Peru 6 times last year withOUT using his credit card, and claimed $70,000 each time.
Duh-duh-DUHN!!
Jacks says he's going to check out the flight records and Irina is all... hey, remember when I was your wife but totally an enemy of the United States? Well, I would meet my case manager in his hotel room, so why don't you get the security footage, too, just in case. Ouch. That's a stinger.
Back in France, Random SD-6 Dude walks by the non-lovers' table and snaps a picture. Syd says she heard on the mission that Vaughn's code name is "Boy Scout" and where did that come from? (Oh come on, like they have a history? Syd's in Mountaineer. Gimme a break.) So Vaughn is telling this story about his first day at training, and Agent Sean is all in his earpiece - "Dude, that's the lamest story I've ever heard!! Tell her she's pretty!!!" Vaughn takes out his earpiece as we pan to Random SD-6 Dude in the car scanning Vaughn's photo.
Vaughn asks Sydney to tell him about all the pets she'd ever had.
Random SD-6 Dudes match Vaughn's picture in database and pull up his driver's license, library card, gym card, etc... finding out that he's CIA.
Inside, the maitre'd comes over to the non-couple, and says that it is too late for them to be driving when they have had so much to drink, but he owns an inn upstairs, and here's the key. "My guests," he calls them. They look at each other with these total looks of shock, and Vaughn's all "did you ask him to do that?" Syd laughs and then Vaughn says that "it would be rude to overlook such a generous offer without proper consideration"!! Could he be any cuter? OK, so Syd just stares at him, and says "OK."
Back at the French Ops Center, Agent Sean is still working on the counterfeit gyroscope, and Nerd at CIA HQ calls him to say that someone hacked into the DMV for Vaughn's records. Agent Sean starts screaming for Vaughn on his earpiece, which he's taken off, and finally calls the restaurant. Maitre'd brings the telephone over to his table. Vaughn looks confused and right as he says hello, Random SD-6 Dudes burst through the door with machine guns. "Syd, watch out!!!" Fight fight run run - the two non-lovers end up in an alley blocked by cars on either side. Random SD-6 Dudes get Vaughn's gun and force Sydney into handcuffs. Vaughn and Syd are on their knees, ABOUT TO GET SHOT, and Vaughn whips a knife out of his boot and stabs Dude #1 in the neck. He uncuffs Syd (prob. keeping the cuffs for the bedroom) and the two of them kick some major bad-spy ass. They split up and Vaughn instructs Syd to under no circumstances give SD-6 the counterfeit gyroscope. With all this hoopla, "we have to give them what they want this time." Syd is tearful "we were so stupid" and Vaughn is all see you in LA, sister. Sorry there was no sex.
Back in LA, Vaughn is writing his debrief when Agent Sean comes over and says to lay the blame on him. Vaughn is all no way dude. I'm asking for reassignment. Sean's all "are you crazy? Did you ever stop to think that all the damage you've done to SD-6 is BECAUSE of the way you feel about each other? Whatever you decide, just be sure and discuss it with Sydney first. This involves her, too." ROCK ON Agent Sean. I love him.
Elsewhere in the Ops Center, CIA Nerd is looking at the hotel footage of Brio in Peru. After several occurences, Jack sees that FAYE DUNAWAY entered with Brio. Hello! She was having an affair with Brio. It's FAYE that's kicking them in the pants.
Jack goes to SD-6 (mistake) to prove that she took that money through their illegal channels. Of course, as soon as he enters the building, Faye's boytoys are all over him, shoot him with a tranq-dart, and pull him to the torture room. The Torture Dude gives him sodium pentathol (truth serum) and Faye says as soon as it hits (less than 5 minutes) she will get back to Jack and Sydney.
About that time, in slow-mo of course, Sloane bursts in. Apparently Jack had sent him an e-mail from the server room. Who'da thunk that SLOANE would save the day?? He helps Jack up and throws Faye in the chair, kicking and screaming. Bye bye Faye.
Jack goes down to thanks Irina, and they wonder why Sloane specifically asked for Faye if he knew that she was the one who did it. That sly bastard. And if you think that's bad, just wait. Irina asks if Sloane suspects Jack. Jack says he doesn't think so - because Sloane just left on a 2-week vacation and left Jack in charge.
Down in the basement, Vaughn and Syd talk about Vaughn's report. Vaughn says yo, we do great work together, and I think we should stay together, so I'm going to lie on my report. Syd's all, I think we do good work together, too. Hey, here's a gyroscope. Vaughn's all, the hell? and Syd said when she got back to SD-6, there was so much havoc from the Jack situation that she knew she wouldn't be suspected, so she gave them the fake one.
Cut to Francie and Syd on couch. Francie babbles about some guy she smiled at, and then asks Syd about her work crush. Syd says that she has realized that it's never going to happen, and to stop fantasizing over it. Francie is all, get up - we're going out for cocktails. Syd's all, no Francie... I want to be boring here in the house! and Francie's all "no way, you need the biggest cosmopolitan, I can't even tell you. Up, up, up, girl!" Hee. What a good friend.
Cut to Vaughn typing. Mmmmm. Vaughn.
Cut to Sloane, with a suitcase holding $10 million. He's giving it to a red-headed techo-geek who apparently has programmed a wedding ring to interfere with Sloane's neck chip. He's programmed in ambient sounds and biorhythms - the Alliance will never know that they aren't listening to Sloane. "Wow, $10 million." Sloane's all, here you go, and shoots him in the gut. Seriously. A total wanker.
Cut to the Phillipines, and a BEAUTIFUL beach. Sloane is walking down the beach in an awful white suit and light blue tee (Hawaii 5-0 anyone?) and those Lennon sunglasses that he was wearing when he shot Jean Brio. He walks up to a bungalow, and says "We did it" TO EMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!! She says, "are you sure?" and Sloane answers, "yes, my love. We're free." the HELL????? Pans to them kissing and Emily wearing a white rose bandage on her NUB. I wonder, does Sloane still have the finger? Ew. Oh, and before I forget, EW.
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