2003-06-18 - 1:30 p.m.
Here's a very very rough update of Sex and the City, Season 4, for Angel.
Carrie has her 35th birthday and is sad that she has no soulmate. Charlotte suggests that they can be each other's soulmates and use men as "great guys to have fun with." Charlotte has vuvlodynia (her vagina is depressed).
Carrie goes out with Big as friends and meets a jazz musician that has ADD but is the best sex she ever had. Miranda dates a guy from the gym who thinks her shyness is sexy and then a dude that pees with the door open. Sam decides to date a woman. ("What you just wake up one morning and 'poof' you're a lesbian?" ~Carrie. "Oh, I forgot to tell you, I'm a fire hydrant." ~Miranda.)
Char and Trey are now having sex all over Manhattan in coat-checks, restrooms, movies ("Crouching Charlotte, Hidden Hummer" ~Carrie.) but have no "relationship" to speak of. Miranda blows off sex for chocolate and Jon Stewart ("Your friend Miranda has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. I think you'll need this piece of information when you check me into the Betty Crocker clinic.")
Steve opens a bar and invites Miranda and Carrie (Aidan is a silent partner). Samantha breaks up with Maria. ("You call this a relationship? ~Maria. "Well, it's tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard - YES!" ~Sam.) Carrie sees Aidan at the bar and freaks out. Char has moved back in with Trey and is fighting Bunny about redecorating.
Carrie misses Aidan. Miranda dates a guy from her marathon running group and he licks her ***. ("Wait a minute, are you talking about TUKKUS LINGUS???" ~Carrie.)
Carrie begs Aidan back. He doesn't want to ("YOU BROKE MY HEART!" ~Aidan.) but in the end decides to give it another chance. Samantha catches a guy by wearing fake nipples and he turns out to be a baby-talker.
Aidan is being mean (still doesn't trust Carrie) and Charlotte quits her job, much to the judgement of Miranda. (I choose my choice, Miranda. I CHOOSE MY CHOICE!" ~Charlotte.) Sam dates a guy who tells her she needs a wax and she evens the score by shaving his area herself. Carrie and Aidan have a very emotional break-down ("you have to forgive me..." ~C.) that makes me cry every time. Charlotte hires a replacement for the gallery.
Carrie's computer crashes. Aidan uses her kitchen, exchanges apt. keys, and buys her a new computer. She freaks out - used to taking care of herself, yadda yadda yadda. Miranda's mother has a heart attack ("She came to long enough to veto my lipstick." ~Miranda.) and dies. Samantha loses her orgasm and Charlotte handles all the funeral arrangements. Samantha finally cries at the funeral and Carrie walks with Miranda down the aisle. Carrie uses Aidan's zip drive but keeps her own laptop.
Steve has testicular cancer. Miranda freaks out ("And then I made him cry. No, first I yelled at him - I yelled at my friend, the cancer patient, and then I made him cry. ~Miranda.) and turns all pity-party on Steve. He gets pissy but gives in when she takes care of him after surgery. Carrie goes to Aidan's cabin in the country and loathes it. Big dates a movie star. Char makes Trey have his sperm tested.
Steve is insecure that he only has one testicle. Aidan is insecure that Big is still around. Big is insecure about the movie star. Sam tries to get a new client, Richard Wright, and he tells her he doesn't want to hire a woman. She tells him off and he then specifies that it's because she slept with his architect. She tells him off again and he hires her, saying he likes her balls. Miranda gives Steve a "mercy-f***."
Miranda is pregnant. Charlotte still can't get pregnant, and is furious with Miranda for not even considering having the baby. Sam gets a new client, Lucy Liu, and uses her name to get a $4K Birkin bag; when Liu finds out she cans Sam. Carrie tells Aidan about Miranda and he has pretty strong feelings that they guy should know, so she goes back to Chad, a guy she slept with 13 years ago and got pregnant, but can't tell him about the abortion. Miranda decides to keep the baby. Charlotte and others are ecstatic.
Carrie's building is going co-op. Aidan says she should just buy it. ("I just charged tomatoes. I don't think I'm in the position to purchase real estate." ~Carrie.) Aidan says he is, and offers to buy her place and the one next door, and knock out the wall between. Carrie says she'll think about it, and while Aidan's in the shower, she finds an engagement ring and vomits. Samantha sleeps with her new client Richard. Trey and Charlotte fight and Trey says NO to having a baby. Aidan proposes to Carrie and Carrie says yes. Steve proposes to Miranda and Miranda says no. ("Are you in love with me Steve? ~Miranda. "No. Especially not right now." ~Steve.)
Aidan moves in and his stuff is everywhere. Miranda is horny. Samantha falls for Richard. Charlotte is still boring.
Carrie likes to go out and Aidan likes to stay in. The girls go out to a gay bar where Samantha takes Ecstasy, Charlotte meets a guy who's going to get her apt. in House and Garden magazine, Miranda outs a co-worker, and Carrie meets a gay guy. Samantha has sex with Richard on the Ex and says "I love you." Trey and Charlotte break up but Trey realizes how important the H&G shoot is to Charlotte and comes back to be in the pictures.
Carrie's missing the bride gene. Miranda makes her put on a horrible dress and Carrie has a panic attack and gets a rash. She tells him she needs more time. He says if she doesn't want to marry him now, she never will, and moves out. Carrie now has to buy her apartment. She gets in a fight with Charlotte over money, and Char ends up giving Carrie her engagement ring for a down payment (a $30K ring!?!?!!).
Carrie gets a freelance job at Vogue and a haircut. Director Sloane aka Editor Julian comes on to her. Sam gives Richard a 3-way for his birthday. Char throws Miranda a baby shower.
Carrie calls Big. He tells her he's moving to California; he's tired of New York. ("If you're tired, you take a nappa! You don't MOVE TO NAPA!" ~Carrie.) She decides to sleep with him one last time, but Miranda has the baby (Brady) and interrupts her plan. Samantha finds Richard cheating on her. Char gets a volunteer job at MoMa. Carrie rushes back to Big's apartment to find it empty, with a record of "Moon River" ("In case you ever get lonely." and a plane ticket ("In case I ever get lonely.")
The end.
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